Upon meeting Lily she doesn't come across as particularly religious-- she drinks plenty, smokes a ton of weed, and is sexually "flexible" but her faith is important to her and drives everything she does, eats, thinks, and believes. She is super fun, cute, outgoing, charming and never pushes any of her idealogies onto other people--which I think is really important.
Anyway, this is just backstory for a friend I want to introduce: Andrew. Basically Lily and her roommates throw different events/meals/gatherings for 20-30-somethings who have graduated college or moved away from their families, but still want to surround themselves in the culture and traditions of their faith. I never thought about it because I didn't grow up in a family where religion defined our "traditions" or "culture"--but of course thousands of other people did and it's super important to preserve that culture while living away from family.
I should point out that Lily knows I'm gay. She was like, "Johnny, YOU! You need to be his mentor! You should tell him about you and it might change his perspective or something-- Andrew needs guidance!"
She was right about that--- but holdddd up! I am not taking on that responsibility. That is a lot to carry--plus I didn't even know the dude yet.
Let me describe him:
Andrew is probably average height but overweight. Definitely does not take care of his body, he drinks soda and eats junk food on the regular, his hair is long and shaggy, but not styled, so not in a hipster way or in a Beiber way, just more in a "I am hopeless" sort of way. He literally talks like a girl. I know in the gay world people can be pretty defensive about how masculine or feminine they come across but I will be blunt here, this dude talks like a chick. He's super expressive and uses his hands a lot. He dresses like a slob and wears oversized t-shirts that hide his body. He is just very insecure and very needy. AND! to make matters worse, his mother died very unexpectedly a year ago. He essentially watched her die and it pretty much traumatized him, rightfully so.
So, somehow I think Lily, who is normally reeeeally good about this and really respectful about my privacy, effing told Andrew that I'm gay. She was trying to be supportive about his sexuality. He was edging on telling her but was being really vague and unsure. Also, his mother being dead created a lot of guilt, and so she was trying to explain to him that, being gay isn't bad, his mother won't hate him, there are tons of awesome gay people.... blah blah... then she used me as an example. Which is fine. I don't mind. Andrew is harmless. I'm pretty good about letting people in certain circles know, and Lily's circle is cool with me, so whatever. I didn't get mad. But when Andrew found out, he went nuts! Like stage five clinger. He started facebooking me all the time, asking me questions about life, my relationships, etc. and he dumped a lot of shit about his mom on me... just heavy stuff. He tells me that I am a great listener and a great friend and he really values that I've come into his life. Ugh, great. I feel terrible because--I'm torn about him. I just feel like it isn't an equal friendship. I don't dislike Andrew but I just don't feel that I can give him what he wants. Things quieted down for a few months between us. Thank god! But recently in the past month or so he's been calling me more, facebooking me, texting me nonstop. (I think because his mother's death anniversary is in May). Finally 2 weeks ago I just agreed to hang out with him one-on-one which we'd never done before. He came over, we got dinner at a bar down the street. I drank beers. He watched. A pretty nice, quiet evening. Fine. Next day I get riddled with texts. He tells me his mom's tombstone "unveiling" is that coming weekend and he guilts me into going. He said, "It's going to be a tough weekend and I want my closest friends there to help me through it-- it would mean a lot if you could come." So I go. I am hungover because it's a Sunday at like noon, but I go and it was nice and I am totally glad I went to pay my respects--but then he guilts me into going to the post ceremony event at his house. It was just uncomfortable. Everyone there was sad and mourning and I didn't know any of them AT ALL. I felt out of place, but he kept reminding me how happy he was that I showed up.
THEN the NEXT DAY he sends me this text. He wants to come over AGAIN! And look how I respond. He literally needed to send a 3rd "reminder text" to get me to respond :(
Maybe I should try out this whole religion thing. He'd know what to do.
