A Terrible Sexual Encounter

I. Apologize. In. Advance. Warning. This. Blog. Is. Raunchy.

Anyway, I like to think I am a passionate lover. Everyone does, right?

But gay sex is different from straight people sex because well, to state the obvious, men are more sexually driven then women, so when you put two horned men in a bed... things can get cray cray.

Also, men love porn. We love it. We watch it and we just love it.

Which, in my opinion, is sort of a detriment because it plants these ideas in our heads--unrealistic ideas with unrealistic expectations.

This dude I hooked up with a while ago was a totally normal, smart kid; med student, a little boring, sort of bro-like... overall just pretty normal. In the bedroom he completely changed. It was as if he were completely separating himself from reality, slipping into his "gay sex" persona. Like there was his regular-self, and then there was his bedroom-self. His bedroom-self scared me.

He would whisper weird shit... raunchy shit... and he would force me to participate.

"You like that? You fucking like that, huh?"

.... silence.

"Tell me you like that!"

... silence. Hoping it would just stop.

He loses the sexy whispering tone and adds a tone of annoyance, "Um... I'm asking you a question, man."

I scoffed because he was dead serious. In a very not sexy way I said, "Oh, uhh yeah, yeah it's good."

I guess that satisfied him because he carried on...

But after a few moments he said, "Ohh yeah, I want to feel you inside me..."

My reaction this time: I'm laying on my back, eyes closed, enjoying whatever is happening. When he says that my eyes snap open, I raise one eyebrow and with my head stationary, my eyes look left to right, as if I'm looking to see if anyone else heard that... looking for someone with whom I can share my surprise... looking for advice on what to say back--obviously we were alone but that was my genuine reaction.

I want to feel you inside me???? 

I mean, I get how that can be sexy, I GET that sex-talk can be fun and good and it's normal but I don't know, it just seemed so cliché, so corny, so unoriginal. It's like something you'd say if you were making a joke... in fact I'm sure there are tons of instances where I've used that line as a joke! I just can't take that kind of talk seriously. Maybe I'm immature or maybe I'm prude but that's just corny to me. 

BUT it gets better because of course I didn't respond--which aggravated him. I don't know what I was supposed to say, I think he was expecting me to be like, "Yeah, baby, yeah let me put my big donger inside of you..." But no, that wasn't gonna happen. The word donger is sexy though, right? Hah

So he politely gave me a few moments to respond, but when I didn't he decided he had to be more direct, he said, "You wanna fuck me?" looking up at me with stupid puppy-dog eyes with my D in his mouth, "Tell me you wanna fuck me!"

I just laid there rolling my eyes. At that point I knew I had to respond. I could feel the pressure and I could sense him getting annoyed but I couldn't bring myself to say, "I want to fuck you, please let me fuck you." Also, more importantly, I DIDN'T want to fuck him. I told him that in the beginning. Idiot.

I'm such a prick, instead I just sorta mumbled. I just made incomprehensible sounds that sort of resembled English... any normal person would have accepted that and carried on... but no. This kid did not. Again he stopped using the sexy whispering voice and with a normal, dead serious voice he said, "Um, sorry I don't know what you just said".

In my head I was like, "Who is this kid? My D is in your mouth, just stop talking and do your job."

But I'm a coward and said what he wanted to hear, but like, begrudgingly, "OH, uhh, yes I want to... uh, yes, let's do that..." so unsexy-like... so round-about... I'm terrible.

Then the kid is having trouble cumming. He's trying all sorts of stuff and I am just so over this whole thing. But he won't give up. He is like oh try this... now try this... and I'm like dude, I came so long ago this is booooring and I'm tired. So I'm trying this or that... then he says, "OK, how about this, can you just like, get up, get out of bed and just like, stand there... and jerk off in front of me?"

So... you're really gonna make me do this huh?

My head, "Ughhh reeeeeeallly? I'm getting a headache. I hate you."

After letting out an audible sigh, my defeated response was a simple, "Ok?"

(notice the question mark at the end... that gives you the intonation you need to read that properly, like I am sort of asking him if he is really going to make me do that.)

So I do it. Part of me thinks it's sort of hot, but most of me feels awkward. He's just watching me now. He's literally just jerking off to me like I am now his porno. He isn't touching me, I'm not touching him. He is literally acting like I am on his computer screen and he is just jerking off now. Cool. Healthy. This is sex!

Then he said, "Cum on my chest, yeah cum on my chest..."

My head is pounding with a headache and that comment just made it worse. I look down and I'm thinking, this is just stupid, I'm just tugging on my flaccid penis to get this dude off because he can't cum the old fashion way--- and now he's asking me to "cum on his chest"? No. I'm not even hard, I'm not anywhere near close to cumming. 

So like the wet blanket that I am.... I get back in the bed and say, "Yo, I'm sorry I'm really tired, I just gotta lay down."

He was surprisingly accepting of that... I think because at this point, he was just really insecure about having not cum yet that he was almost glad the pressure was off now.

The next morning he was being really lovey which sort of made me vomit inside. He was like rubbing me and hugging me and I was just a wet blanket. So distant so disinterested. I am just a bad person. Then he was like, "Wow, that was hot last night, we went at it for like 3 hours!"

I just rolled my eyes. I mean it was definitely hot but I felt zero passion in it. It felt so forced, like he was trying to recreate a scene he had seen before instead of connecting with me. Not that I was looking for romance with him, but he kissed as if he were kissing anyone, didn't matter who, didn't matter at all. Just trying to get laid--which isn't really my world. 

So that was that-- a one time thing that probably should have never happened--and he's going to be someone's doctor one day. He wasn't even hot.